This Christmas Eve was one for the ages. We all gathered around the Christmas tree which contained in its branches a tiny white envelope. On the envelope was scribbled: TO: MY NEW FAMILY LOVE: BUTTERBEAN It had been in our possession since  we left the doctor’s office after our last ultrasound, and now the time had come for us to open the contents in front of our family. I had worked hard the night before the ultrasound to prepare a cute little card so the grumpy ultrasound tech we usually have wouldn’t have to actually write on a sheet of…

Written October 16, 2009 In my efforts to seem witty and sarcastic, I totally skipped out on telling all three of you what it was really like at our first ultrasound. So here’s the play by play. OBGYN offices are really strange places. Like most doctor’s offices, they are always decorated with watercolors of flowers and beach scenes and the color scheme of the wallpaper and furniture is ALWAYS mauve and teal. But unlike most doctor’s offices, OBGYNs are not really full of sick people. They are full of women who have aliens growing inside of them. And since these…

Written October 8, 2009 Today could have been an extremely momentous day for womankind. I could have defied all biological knowledge and forged a path to recreating the human race by exponential factors never before seen. I could have singlehandedly produced a baseball team,  a set of Supreme Court Justices, or the less-skilled  white version of the Harlem Globetrotters. I could have. But instead, I listened to the heartbeat of the one tiny baby that lives inside of me. Just one. By itself. And at 164 beats a minute, that little techno kick drum could have not been a more…

Written October 6, 2009 Yet more time has passed since we found out the good news. We have told all of our closest friends and family, and everyone seems very supportive and excited for us. We go in for ou first ultrasound on Thursday and we will get a sneak peak at the new babies who will come live in our home. Yes. That’s right. Babies. As in the plural form of baby. But before I leave it at that, let me give all two of you who read this some backstory as to why I feel that there is…

Written September 21, 2009. So it has been a few weeks, and we have had time to settle in to the news. In May, we will be parents. I have ordered several books and already watched my fair share of videos of women with humans squirting out of their bottoms. The more of these films I watch, the more I believe that we are aliens. There has got to be a civilized alternate universe out there where  babies hatch out of eggs and mothers sit around sipping tea and laughing about stories they have heard where babies squish out of…

Written on Monday, September 9, 2009. So Chris and I went home this weekend to tell my family that I am sperminated. Everyone was very excited. I wasn’t surprised. My mother has been dreaming of having grandchildren since her own children were old enough to get sassy, so it was no surprise when she screamed with delight at the news. It was so good to be able to tell everyone our fears and have them reassure us that we are not the first, nor will we be the last couple who has accidentally gotten pregnant with a baby that they…

Written September 4, 2009 Today I found out that we are going to have a baby. This is not at all how I imagined this moment to be. I didn’t want a baby, haven’t dreamed about the pitter patter of little feet, and I don’t care to know how I am going to look with a monstrous belly. I have never been one of those empty vessel women who has dreamed of one day being filled up with babies. I don’t want to fill my living room with toys and exer-saucers, nor do I want to watch Bob the Builder…