R O Y A L L Y A V E R A G E

Lady So and So

Browsing CategoryThe Poo Hits the Fan

It’s 1am on January 1st, 2015. I’m alone and blogging, which is always how I blog because if I open my computer for more than two seconds, someone under the age of five is automatically scaling my legs and asking to watch YouTube videos of Yo Gabba Gabba and a Baby Monkey Riding on a Pig. I did not write anything in the year of 2014. I sat and stared at the same screen over and over again, trying to formulate words to accompany what was happening. There was no space left inside myself for words in 2014. They would…

Continue Reading

I don’t understand some blogging moms. Most of them are full of crap. Seriously, what kind of sadistic over-achiever has time to actually sit down and blog about the exploits of homeschooling her 6 children!?!? “God is so good to us”, she says. “Here is a collection of prosumer-grade photos of me and my six children under four making bird houses out of trash that we all picked up from the side of the road! Aren’t Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Elijah and Rebekah all so cute in the new outfits I knitted for them out of our pet Alpaca’s fur…

Continue Reading

I don’t often leave the house, but when I do, I can tell those around me who have had children and who have not. They don’t have to say a word. The “haves” make a face of understanding. A sweetish smirk mixed with the slightly raised eyebrows that say, “If it weren’t 10am, I’d buy you a bottle of wine”.  They shower me with patience and sometimes acts of kindness. While my two year old is asking “What is that?!?!? Mama, Mama, MAMA !!!What is that?!?!” to each item going down the checkout belt, while my three month old is…

Continue Reading

Written July 13, 2011 Disgusting. I am disgusting. Only 6 weeks pregnant, and already I hate my life. For the past week, my activity schedule has been horribly similar to someone Oprah has to bring in a team for to cut out of her house. I lay around on the sofa and watch TV for most of the day. This is not because I love TV. We don’t even have cable. It’s because if I stand up or move around a whole lot, I feel like I am going to be sick. If my stomach gets empty or close to…

Continue Reading

A quiet war had been raging in the Bethea household for a few months. Under the roof of a seemingly normal mid-century ranch style, on a peaceful tree-lined street, an epic battle had been waging where blood was spilled, tears were shed, and the sanity of one young mother hung in balance like a spider on Jonathan Edwards’ fireplace mantel. Someone has replaced my pink little ball of sleeping baby with a speed addict after a venti triple shot. And I wanted vengeance. I guess it all started around Christmas time. The holidays were busy for everyone, so when Eloise…

Continue Reading

It has been said that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. It has also been said, “There is love of course. And then there’s life, its enemy.” I find the latter to be more true at this point of my life. Last week, I wrote a glowing post about how I was the proud new owner of a 1973 Airstream and that how my dreams were finally coming true and that I could stop whining and get busy becoming the gypsy hipster I always knew I was meant to be. And…

Continue Reading